Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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