How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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