You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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