I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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