dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
