sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
