i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
