do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Randomize
