he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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