Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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