I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
