Moan for me like Helen Keller
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
