It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
