At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
