Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i would punch a child for taco bell
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
