if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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