i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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