Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
