love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
