oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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