Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
