Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
