I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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