It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
