Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
