She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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