I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
