boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
