In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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