I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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