Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
