Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
