Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
