Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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