Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
