im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
