i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
