Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
