I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
