Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
