i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
