Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
