There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
