i wish starbucks made bloody marys
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
