Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
