i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
