How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if only i could text you this smell
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
