Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
