Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
