I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
