Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
