It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
