Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
