her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
